Famous divorce lawyer James Sexton has practiced for 26 years, handling thousands of cases, with clients ranging from billionaires to celebrities. In a recent podcast, he stated that money is not the root cause of marital breakdown, but rather emotional detachment.

Source: Natalie Brunell

Organized by: Felix, PANews

The following is a summary of the podcast content.

Host: Are money issues in marriage an important concern for couples?

James: Yes. I think it's not just about money, but what money symbolizes for people. For many, it symbolizes security and stability. If you grow up in an environment without money, money symbolizes everything you long for, such as a sense of security and feeling valued. Clearly, we all need money to meet needs, make us feel secure, do what we want, and provide for our children. But behind that, in an uncontrollable world, money symbolizes our control over daily life.

Host: Based on your clientele, does having more money make couples happier?

James: No. But statistics do show that economic hardship and lack of resources are extremely detrimental to marriage. If society wants to reduce the divorce rate and increase marital satisfaction, it should ensure people have better economic security. One of the biggest indicators of divorce is not having a college degree (which is the case for most Americans), and those in lower socioeconomic statuses have higher divorce rates. However, wealth also reaches a point of diminishing returns. When your finances are stable enough, divorce becomes easy, allowing you to easily exit an unhappy relationship. Most people, even if they have enough money, can't afford a second home in the Hamptons or a second luxury car, but super-rich individuals can easily say, "I’ll move out, even if I have to divide half my assets, I can live well." If you have $500 million, losing $250 million still leaves you doing fine. Excessive wealth diminishes the meaning of money, and people are no longer motivated to solve marital problems to maintain their standard of living.

Host: So, what percentage of marriages do you think end due to financial issues?

James: This type of question is always difficult to answer, like how many divorces are caused by infidelity or financial pressure? But in my view, these are just symptoms of a deeper issue—the real disease is "disconnection." There are 7 billion people in the world, and you meet this person, you say, "This is my favorite person, I want to face the unknown together." That’s the most beautiful emotion in the world. But most people lose their way. About 53% of marriages end in divorce, and another 5-10% are separated but not divorced. Additionally, 10-20% regret getting married. By calculation, around 70% of situations do not reach a satisfactory stage. The straw that breaks the camel’s back in marriages is sometimes money, sometimes infidelity, but the root cause is disconnection because happy people don't cheat. Partners with deep feelings are transparent about money, whether it's a good investment or a bad decision, they can communicate openly, and the other will feel proud rather than blame. It’s like in the early stages of romance; if the other person snores, you find it cute, but five years later, it becomes annoying, and the initial tolerance for one another has disappeared. Most people spend five days a week, or even fifty weeks a year working for those remaining two days or two weeks of rest; it’s a strange game and system.

Host: How do successful couples manage money? Who handles the accounts? Do they combine finances?

James: There is no one-size-fits-all model for relationships. The touchstone should be: how did you handle things when you first had a great relationship? If he was paying at the beginning and things have changed now, it’s worth questioning why. If one person likes making money but hates managing it and hands over financial control to the other, that’s fine. It’s like cooking; if I enjoy cooking and you don’t, it’s unfair to insist on splitting the tasks. But even if you don’t like managing finances, you need to understand the basics, in case something happens to me, you should know where the money at home is. The core is honest dialogue and a sense of security. I have represented victims of domestic violence and control freaks, and I know that without security (including physical, emotional, and financial security), you cannot feel loved. Even if you don’t understand cryptocurrency, at least you should know the basics. Even if you aren't interested in your partner's hobbies (like the World Cup or Game of Thrones), your excitement for it can excite me, and listening to each other doesn't put anyone at a disadvantage.

Host: Should all books and debts be fully disclosed when getting married?

James: Every marriage has a prenuptial agreement, either written by the government (which can change at any time) or one created by you. I never believe that the government can create the best rules for the financial aspects of marriage. I like prenuptial agreements because they are binding and make it clear what game rules you are playing. In my book, I mention a financial system of "yours, mine, and ours." Marriage is like a Venn diagram, with "you," "me," and the overlapping "us." If you and I completely disappear into "us," it stifles the love you have for each other, so it is necessary to retain some individuality. The same goes for finances; if everything is fully merged and transparent, if I buy a birthday gift, you know the price, then there’s no surprise. It is essential for partners to maintain some privacy and mystery with each other. What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours, and a joint account split is a very clean prenuptial agreement. If you can’t even have these difficult financial conversations, then don’t get married.

Host: If a prenuptial agreement wasn't signed, can a postnuptial agreement be signed? Do most people sign prenuptial agreements?

James: It can be signed, but postnuptial agreements are harder to negotiate because they require both parties to voluntarily agree after marriage. Regarding prevalence, prenuptial agreements don't have public records, so they are actually much more common than you think. I’ve done prenuptial agreements for celebrities, but they’ll say on TV, "We’re in love, and we didn’t sign," while the actual agreement is locked in my safe. The current younger generation has normalised and made signing prenuptial agreements pragmatic due to women having more assets and higher education.

Host: Can you share stories of couples involved in cryptocurrency investments?

James: I have been a divorce lawyer for 26 years. Back when everyone was using tape recorders, I heard someone mention Bitcoin. I attended a computer summer camp in 1984, and I have a strong interest in technology, so I started to understand what cryptocurrency and blockchain are as early as possible to help others understand. Later, when other cryptocurrencies emerged, whether Ethereum or other early cryptocurrencies, I felt that many lawyers at that time had no idea what they were talking about.

Cryptocurrency later gradually became an asset that people could transfer anonymously. After the 9/11 incident in 2001, the Patriot Act was passed. One of the significant impacts of this act was changing the way financial regulations worked and how banks operated, making it very difficult for fund transfers and hard to do so without leaving traces.

In the early days of cryptocurrency, it was like the Wild West, almost impossible to track anything because it is a decentralized currency, and people wouldn't use platforms like Coinbase or any other platform that is easily identifiable or subpoenaable. So, I wanted to understand cryptocurrency early on, partly to track assets that might need to be divided in divorce and to prevent someone from trying to hide assets; partly to explain to my clients the options they might have in divorce planning.

As cryptocurrency developed and the price of Bitcoin soared, it continued to rise even more. However, in the legal world, particularly among all lawyers engaged in marital law, many people still knew little about cryptocurrency. For example, in New York, during a divorce, you must submit a document called a "net worth affidavit." This document lists all of a person's assets and liabilities. The 2026 version is the first one that includes cryptocurrency.

Host: Really?

James: Yes. The Unified Court System of New York State didn’t decide until 2026 that we should include cryptocurrency in this document. Before that, it was listed under the "other" category.

Host: So, it must be reported to the government for the division of crypto assets? How does this work?

James: Yes, comprehensive financial disclosure is required to determine how to divide or waive assets. A few weeks ago, I had a client who was a Bitcoin enthusiast who would rather give his wife other assets than lose his Bitcoin. As a result, at the beginning of the divorce, Bitcoin's price was over 100,000 dollars, and then it fell to over 60,000 dollars, so he could say he got a great deal during asset division.

Of course, many people will lie and swear they don't have anything. In one case, the other side claimed they lost the hard wallet password and it became a "brick." Halfway through the litigation, I suddenly understood. I said, "You have a way," and it turned out they indeed had the means to recover the password, after which the other side didn’t insist. We smoothly convinced her to make concessions on other terms. Many times, because the spouse and their lawyers do not understand Bitcoin, those who know the field take significant advantages. As a lawyer, you must keep learning new things and understand how they work.

Host: Are most of the divorces you experience filled with hostility?

James: I’m like a weapon. If it’s a straightforward divorce, people won’t hire me. I specialize in highly contentious and complex financial court cases. Sometimes, people in marriage legally avoid taxes (like setting up a generation-skipping trust or intentionally defective grantor trust), and these wealth transfer operations can turn asset division in a divorce into an absolute disaster. Clients worth hundreds of millions use these loopholes to pay even less tax than janitors.

Host: Do you think that's fair?

James: That’s the rule of the game. If there's a gray area, the fault lies with those who set the rules, not with the players exploiting them. Personally, I don’t cheat and pay my taxes on time. The world is indeed very unfair, with thousands of children starving on one side and my clients worth 8 billion or celebrities flying on private jets discussing environmental protection on the other. But as long as it is within legal boundaries, this is the current system.

Host: Have you seen couples in terrible situations who managed to reconcile?

James: Yes. Sometimes you must get close to losing it to realize how important it is to you. It’s like having a toothache; when it doesn’t hurt, you don’t feel grateful, but when it does, you know the pain. When a partner is away on business, you can truly feel the silence and pain that comes from their absence.

Host: Faced with a terrifying divorce rate, how should struggling couples repair their relationship?

James: We fall in love quickly, but falling out of love is as slow as bankruptcy, then suddenly you fall off a cliff. We don’t need any grand gestures; saving the relationship relies on "small acts of reconnection." Partners often fall into a negative spiral: "Because he didn’t do it, I won’t do it either." But you can reverse this spiral. For example, leave a note in the morning saying, "I had a great time watching the show last night, I married the most beautiful girl in the world;" this costs nothing but has immense significance. Text your wife saying you remembered her when you heard a song; tell your husband he is the most handsome and sexiest man you’ve ever met. This takes just two seconds. We all crave connection, which requires a little vulnerability and kindness. Constructive criticism is certainly important, but constantly affirming and lifting your partner can bring about positive change. I once grew a beard, and one ex complained it was prickly, making me feel shaving was a burden; another praised my clean shave as looking sexy like the lead in Mad Men, and I wished I could shave three times a day. The way you express yourself is very important, emphasizing the positive is far more effective than direct criticism.

Host: I completely agree, how we treat others often reflects our inner struggles, and hurt people tend to hurt others.

James: Yes, spreading warmth and kindness to others can make you feel better too. Love is a verb. Partners can take ten minutes each week to walk together, asking each other: "Tell me three things I did this week that made you feel loved? What are three things that attracted you to me? What are three things I could do better?" In life, making someone feel loved often comes down to small details, like a hand on your shoulder when feeling down or a meal they love. If you let a man help open a pickle jar and compliment him, regardless of his age, he will feel very proud. Everyone wants to be praised as charming or smart. These are all free; algorithms won’t promote these methods, but they’re the simplest ways to make a divorce lawyer like me unemployed.