Source: Natalie Brunell

Organized by: Felix, PANews

Host: Is the financial issue in marriage an important one for couples?

James: Yes. I think it’s not just about money, but what money symbolizes to people. For many, it symbolizes security and stability. If you grow up in a money-less environment, money represents everything you long for, such as security and feeling valued. Clearly, we all need money to meet needs, secure feelings, do things we want, and provide for our children. But behind this, in an unstable world, money symbolizes our control over daily life.

Host: Based on your client base, does having more money make couples happier?

James: No. But statistics do show that economic hardship negatively impacts marriages. If society wants to reduce divorce rates and improve marital satisfaction, it should ensure that people have better financial security. One of the biggest indicators of divorce is lacking a college degree (which is the case for most Americans); those with lower socioeconomic status have higher divorce rates. But wealth also reaches a point of diminishing returns. When your finances are stable enough, divorce becomes easy; allowing you to exit an unhappy relationship without hardship. Most people, even when financially well-off, cannot afford a second home in the Hamptons or a second luxury car, but super-rich individuals can confidently say: “I’ll move out; even if I split my assets in half, I’ll be just fine.” If you have $500 million, losing $250 million still allows you to live comfortably. Excessive wealth diminishes the value of money, and people lose motivation to address marital issues to maintain their standard of living.

Host: So, what percentage of marriages do you think end because of financial issues?

James: It’s always hard to answer such questions, like how many divorces stem from infidelity or financial pressure? But to me, these are merely symptoms of a deeper problem; the real disease is “disconnection.” There are 7 billion people in the world, and you meet someone and say, “This is my favorite person, and I want to hold their hand and face the unknown together.” This is the most beautiful feeling in the world. But most people lose their way. About 53% of marriages end in divorce, with an additional 5-10% separating but not divorcing, alongside 10-20% regretting getting married. In total, about 70% of situations do not enter a happy phase. Sometimes money is the straw that breaks the camel's back, sometimes it’s infidelity, but the root cause is disconnection because happy people do not cheat. Partners with deep affection are transparent about finances; whether it’s a good investment or a bad decision, they can communicate openly, and each will feel proud rather than blameful. It’s like in the early days of a relationship when the other person snores and you find it adorable, but five years later, it becomes annoying, and the initial tolerance fades away. Most people work for five days a week, or even 50 weeks a year, just to enjoy the remaining two days or two weeks, which is a strange game and system.

Host: How do successful couples manage money? Who manages the accounts? Do they combine finances?

James: There’s no universal model for relationships. The touchstone should be: How did you manage things when your relationship was good initially? If it started with him paying and now it’s changed, it’s worth questioning why. If someone loves making money but hates managing it, handing it over to the partner is fine. It’s like cooking; if I love cooking, and you don’t, it’s unfair to split the task. But even if you don’t like finances, you need to understand the basics in case anything happens to me; you should know where the household money is kept. The core is honest dialogue and a sense of security. I have represented victims of domestic violence and control freaks, and I know you cannot feel loved without security (including physical, emotional, and financial security). Even if you don’t understand cryptocurrency, at least grasp the basics. Even if you’re not interested in your partner’s hobbies (like the World Cup or Game of Thrones), your excitement can excite me, and listening to each other doesn’t harm anyone.

Host: Should all financial matters and debts be fully disclosed when getting married?

James: Every marriage has a prenuptial agreement, either prepared by the government (which could change at any time) or one created by the couple. I have never believed that the government can draft the best rules for the financial aspects of marriage. I like prenups because they are binding, making it clear what the rules of the game are. In my book, I mention a “yours, mine, and ours” financial system. Marriage is like a Venn diagram, with “you,” “me,” and the overlapping “us.” If you completely disappear into the “us,” it stifles the love between you, so it’s necessary to retain some individuality. Financially, if you are entirely merged and transparent, knowing the price when I buy a birthday gift removes the element of surprise. It’s essential for partners to retain a bit of privacy and mystery. What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours; shared equally, this results in a very clean prenup. If you cannot even engage in such difficult financial conversations, then don’t get married.

Host: If there’s no prenup, can a postnuptial agreement be signed? Do most people sign prenuptial agreements?

James: Yes, it can be signed, but postnuptial agreements are harder to negotiate since they require mutual consent after marriage. Regarding prevalence, prenuptial agreements have no public record and are actually far more common than you might think. I’ve drafted prenups for celebrities, but they say on TV: “We’re in love; we didn’t sign one,” while the actual agreement is locked in my safe. Today’s younger generation finds signing prenuptial agreements very normative and pragmatic due to women owning more assets and holding higher degrees.

Host: Can you share stories of couples you’ve encountered that were involved in cryptocurrency investments?

James: I have been a divorce lawyer for 26 years. Back when everyone was using tape recorders, I heard someone mention Bitcoin. I attended a computer summer camp in 1984, and I’m very interested in technology, so I started trying to understand what cryptocurrency and blockchain really are, making it as understandable as possible for others. Later, when other cryptocurrencies emerged, whether Ethereum or earlier cryptocurrencies, I felt that many lawyers had no clue what they were talking about.

Cryptocurrency gradually became an asset that allows people to transfer assets anonymously. After the 9/11 event in 2001, the Patriot Act was passed. One of the biggest impacts of this act was changing the way financial regulation and banking operations work, making funds transfer very difficult and hard to trace.

In the early days, cryptocurrency was like the Wild West; it was almost impossible to trace anything because it is a decentralized currency. People wouldn’t use platforms like Coinbase or any other easily identifiable or subpoenaed platforms. Thus, I wanted to understand cryptocurrency early on, partly to track assets that might need to be divided during divorces and partly to prevent anyone from attempting to hide assets; and also to explain to my clients what their options could be in divorce planning.

Despite the growth of cryptocurrency and the skyrocketing prices of Bitcoin, many lawyers, especially those working in family law, still realized that there’s a lot of ignorance about cryptocurrency. For example, in New York, a document called "Net Worth Statement" must be submitted during divorce proceedings. This document lists all assets and liabilities of an individual. The 2026 version is the first to include cryptocurrency.

Host: Really?

James: Yes. The unified court system in New York didn't decide to add cryptocurrency to the document until 2026. Before that, it was listed under the “other” category.

Host: So, must cryptocurrency assets be reported to the government for division? How does that work?

James: Yes, there must be comprehensive financial disclosure to decide how to divide or waive. A few weeks ago, I had a client who was a Bitcoin enthusiast; he preferred to give his wife other assets just to keep the Bitcoin. At the start of the divorce, Bitcoin was valued over $100,000, then dropped to over $60,000, and during asset division, he could claim a significant advantage.

Of course, many people lie, swearing they have nothing. In one case, the other party claimed to have lost the hard wallet password and it became a “brick.” Halfway through the litigation, I suddenly grasped the situation. I said, “You have a way,” and in fact, they do have the means to recover the password, and afterward, the other party didn't insist. We smoothly pushed her to concede on other terms. Many times, because spouses and their lawyers do not understand Bitcoin, those who do have taken advantage. As a lawyer, you must continuously learn new things and understand how they work.

Host: Are most divorces you experience adversarial?

James: I am like a weapon. If it’s a straightforward divorce, people don’t hire me. I specialize in highly adversarial and complex financial trials. Sometimes people exploit legal loopholes for tax avoidance during marriage (like establishing dynasty trusts or intentionally defective grantor trusts), and these wealth transfer operations can turn asset division into a complete disaster during divorce. Clients worth over a hundred million exploit these loopholes and pay even less tax than cleaners.

Host: Do you think this is fair?

James: That’s the way the game is played. If there’s a gray area, the fault lies with those who set the rules, not with the players utilizing them. Personally, I don’t cheat and pay my taxes on time. The world is indeed unfair, with thousands of children starving on one side, while a client worth $8 billion or celebrities fly on private jets to discuss conservation on the other. But as long as it’s within legal boundaries, this is the current system.

Host: Have you seen couples whose situations were dire but eventually reconciled?

James: Yes. Sometimes you need to approach losing something to realize how important it is to you. It’s like a toothache; you don’t appreciate it when it doesn’t hurt, but only when it hurts do you realize the pain. When a partner is away on business, you can genuinely feel the silence and pain caused by their absence.

Host: Facing the frightening divorce rates, how can struggling couples repair their relationships?

James: We fall in love quickly, but exiting love is like going bankrupt; it’s extremely slow, then suddenly you fall off a cliff. We don’t need grand gestures; saving relationships relies on “small reconnecting actions.” Partners often get trapped in a negative spiral: “Because he didn’t do it, I won’t either.” But you can reverse this spiral. For instance, leaving a note in the morning saying, “I really enjoyed watching a show with you last night; I married the most beautiful girl in the world,” costs nothing but carries great significance. Texting your wife saying a song reminded you of her; telling your husband he’s the most handsome and sexiest man you’ve ever met takes just two seconds. We all crave connection, which requires a bit of vulnerability and kindness. Constructive criticism is important, but constantly affirming and building up your partner brings about positive change. I used to have a beard, and one ex complained about it being prickly, which made me feel shaving was a burden; while another praised me for being clean-shaven like the lead in Mad Men, incredibly sexy, and I could have shaved three times a day. How you express yourself is extremely important; emphasizing positives is far more effective than direct criticism.

Host: I completely agree; how we treat others often reflects our inner struggles, and those who are hurt tend to hurt others.

James: Yes, spreading warmth and kindness to others can also make you feel better. Love is a verb. Couples can certainly take ten minutes each week to walk together and ask each other: “Tell me three things I did this week that made you feel loved? What are three things that attracted you? What are three things I could do better?” What often makes one feel loved are the little things in life, like a hand on your shoulder when feeling down, or a meal they love. If you ask a man to help open a pickle jar and praise him, regardless of age, he will feel incredibly proud. Everyone wants to be told they’re charming and smart. These are all free, and the algorithms won’t market these methods, but they are the simplest actions that could make a divorce lawyer like me unemployed.

Related reading: Cryptocurrency inheritance, how to safely inherit?

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