An Overview of Crypto Venture Capital: A Look at 10 Types of Crypto Venture Capital and Classic Phrases

Author: rosie, Crypto KOL

Compiled by: Felix, PANews

In the crypto industry, everyone may have to deal with venture capitalists (VCs) at some point. Some VCs are indeed a "timely rain," but most of the time, that is not the case. Here is a practical guide to help you identify and discern venture capital firms.

Note: This article is purely satirical and does not target any specific VC firm. If you feel offended, you might belong to categories 1-9.

1. VCs that say "We don't support airdrops"

They will hype how to build "real value" while immediately dumping their tokens after the lock-up period ends. What they really mean is "we don't support airdrops for you, but are more than happy to collect our own airdrops." These people will talk to you about token economics while their own portfolio shrinks by 80%. The first rule of the VC sell-off club is to not talk about themselves.

2. VCs that say "Please work with my marketing agency"

They invested $50,000 and are now trying to force you to hire their "cousin" marketing agency for $60,000 to recoup that money. The agency has only three clients: you and two other portfolio companies from the same VC. What is their marketing strategy? Buying paid tweets from influencers.

3. "Theme-driven" VCs

They haven't updated their investment themes since 2021. While you are presenting, they will talk about "Web3 social" and "metaverse infrastructure" while frantically Googling "what is TEE technology." However, as long as the business plan includes the word "AI," they will definitely invest.

4. "Founder-friendly" VCs

They will spend three weeks deeply researching your project, making you fill out 17 forms, introducing you to their entire team, and then completely disappear when it's time to wire the funds. Six months later, they will congratulate you on Twitter for raising money from others.

5. VCs who say "I used to work at *** traditional finance company"

They entered the cryptocurrency space in 2022 but never forget to mention their time at Goldman Sachs. They may be in the crypto community now, but still flaunt their LinkedIn experience. Their entire added value lies in "professional email templates" and "equity structure best practices." They have never used a hardware wallet and still ask what gas fees are.

6. FOMO VCs that say "Reply within 24 hours"

They have completely ignored your pitch for months until they see another VC mention your field on Twitter. Suddenly, they DM you asking for an "urgent call." They will offer terrible terms with a 24-hour deadline. Even if you accept, they will still take three weeks to send you the documents.

7. Paper VCs that say "We are long-term holders"

After watching a CNBC interview with Cathie Wood, where she stated that BTC will reach $1.5 million by 2030, they start reiterating that they are "focused on the long term" and "aligned with the founder's five-year vision." However, once a 30% drop occurs, they panic and sell off, blaming "market conditions" and claiming it "is beyond anyone's control." Yet, they still want a board seat.

8. "Thought leaders" who have never released anything

They have never launched any product but have 50,000 followers, accumulated solely by repeating others' viewpoints. Their pinned tweet is about "builder culture," but they have never built anything themselves. They will offer "consulting for you" in exchange for 2% of the project's tokens. Their advice usually is, "Have you tried getting anonymous Twitter influencers to talk about it?"

9. VCs that say "We usually don't invest this early"

Investing in your seed round feels like they are doing you a favor, only to demand privileges for the Series B round. They will ask for daily updates, board control, and direct contact with your development team. They might even message you at 11 PM on a Sunday: "Quick reply—when will the 'Lamborghini' be listed?"

10. Builders who truly understand you

They will ask the right technical questions. They have experienced multiple cycles. They won't waste your time. The value they bring goes far beyond funding. They understand your vision because they are in it themselves.

They are like unicorns—you once thought they didn't exist, but once you find one, you will never choose another firm.

Do not compromise when choosing who to invest in your project. The right partner is not only key to success but also crucial when you say six months later, "We are pivoting to build an AI-centric Web3 social layer for DeFi users" (VCs can bring more than just funding).

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