Is it inevitable for good friends to gradually drift apart? Friends score into three categories. The first type is called root friends, which are people who grew up together during their youth. These types of friends are gifts on the road to growth, and their greatest value is not to chat deeply, but to feel secure. Sitting down, there's no need to hold it, no need to explain who you are, no need to prove how well you're doing now. By saying a word, the other person knows whether you are pretending or being genuine. The tacit understanding between us does not rely on talking too much, but on time and shared memories. But the problem is also here, as time goes by, everyone's physiological age is about the same, in their early thirties, but the growth path of their spiritual world is completely different. Some people are busy raising children, some are busy earning money, some like to tinker, some are busy lying flat, some like fishing, some like reading books At this moment, we must rely on these rooted friends to have a high level of spiritual resonance, discussing philosophy, history, fate, and existence. That would be too harsh and unreasonable. The second type is called contractual friends, which are friends made in the workplace and society after reaching adulthood. Whether it's colleagues, partners, peers, or customers, the most important aspect of such relationships is not soul resonance, but a sense of boundaries and credibility. Whether everyone can cooperate, trust each other, keep their promises, and get things done is the core. The advantage of being a contractual friend is clarity. Everyone doesn't necessarily need to understand each other, but they can help each other at work. To interact with such friends, there is no need to go all out or get too involved. Maintaining a dignified, stable, and reliable relationship can actually lead to a distant relationship. The third type is called a spiritual friend, which is the rarest and most dependent on luck. Because the issue of mental resonance is not necessarily related to age, education, or occupation. Some people are in their seventies and eighties and still have a childish spiritual world, while others are in their early twenties but already mature internally. And this gap cannot be seen at a glance, it requires long-term contact and slow exploration in some specific things to know if we can talk together. But even if one is very lucky to meet a spiritual friend, it is often temporary. At some point, everyone may be extremely intimate, and after two years, they may grow up on their own. Once the spiritual world diverges, it will slowly become misaligned again. Moreover, most people have already exhausted all their energy just by dealing with mortgage, car loan, and children's tutoring classes, and then pursuing the spiritual world, which is already a luxury. After understanding these three types of friends, I looked at those old friends with roots and their mentality completely changed. I used to be impatient and thought that talking nonsense was boring, but behind it was a hidden arrogance and pragmatic anxiety. Subconsciously, I feel that people must grow every moment, the things they talk about must be useful, and I must gain something, otherwise it's a waste of time. Now it's easier for me to get along with my root friends. Not trying to express opinions, not trying to prove how much one has grown, not needing to demonstrate cognitive upgrades, and even being able to return to a semi-finished state, not necessarily very growing, allowing oneself to just be happy. And this kind of familiarity, which can last for several years and is not unfamiliar when we meet, allows us to joke around when we sit down, and we don't have to stir up emotions when we leave. It is a very rare relationship in itself. So the reason why I feel uncomfortable with friends is because my expectations are misplaced. Throwing spiritual expectations to rooted friends, emotional expectations to contracted friends, and realistic expectations to spiritual friends is strange. If you want to relax, go back to your root friends and don't force them to talk about the ultimate answer to the universe. If you want to get things done, find contractual friends, talk about rules, credit, and boundaries, and don't use passion as a bargaining chip. If you want spiritual resonance, acknowledge its scarcity, cherish it when you encounter it, and don't complain if you miss it. Once a person places their expectations in the right place, many so-called disappointments will actually disappear automatically. Perhaps true maturity is not about finding resonance in everyone, but about allowing someone to only understand your past, allowing someone to only understand your interests, and allowing no one to understand your soul at all. Article source: Shliydhy Zhihu