From Financial Freedom to Spiritual Reconstruction: It Was Only After My Willpower Failed That I Truly Discovered Myself
Sharing these experiences feels like reopening a scar, but I believe many people will need this content, just like I did back then.
I welcome those with similar experiences to share together; there is strength in unity.
- From Satisfaction to Downfall: The Lost After Financial Freedom
Last time I talked about the satisfaction and enjoyment that came after sudden wealth, but what followed was emptiness and degradation, ultimately leading to helplessness and confusion. During that period, I consumed the last bit of confidence I had, gradually falling into a life of lethargy, not wanting to get out of bed every morning.
Realizing I could not continue like this, I began to try to change, attempting to revive the spirited self I had when I achieved financial freedom.
- The Harsh Reality of the Restart Journey: The Body and Mind's Strike
I thought that I just needed to walk the same path again since "I've done it before." However, reality was cruel: I couldn't focus for more than 10 minutes before getting distracted, and sometimes I couldn't even start. My brain constantly sought stimulation and rewards; every time I regained focus, the day had passed, leaving only regret and self-blame.
Through further learning, I discovered that this was actually a problem with the dopamine reward circuit.
- Habits Become Chains: Degradation is Also Automation
Long-term indulgence had formed a new automatic response pattern in my body. I used to be able to push myself to move with sheer willpower, but now I had to exert tenfold or even a hundredfold effort.
I once thought this was still a willpower issue, adopting an attitude of "just do it" and starting to sprint. Whenever I wanted to change, I would search online for some motivational videos, and after watching them, I would feel pumped up—but this enthusiasm usually lasted less than a week.
- Willpower Fails, What Next?
I failed time and again, feeling disappointed, and my confidence was gradually worn down, with my bottom line repeatedly lowered. I began to doubt myself: Was I not as capable as I imagined?
After realizing that the path of willpower was not working, I started to understand that relying solely on "positive confrontation" was not enough. I needed to change my approach.
- Strategy Shift: The Comfort Zone is the Biggest Enemy
I began to reflect: Why was my past willpower effective? Because there were few choices.
When choices increased and freedom expanded, willpower became insignificant. In the past, I had no money, so "just do it"; now that I have money, "why work so hard?" In life, pleasure and a sense of achievement can be easily obtained, so who needs monk-like discipline?
This echoes something I once said: "Born in adversity, die in comfort."
- The Fundamental Issue: It's Not Willpower, But "Self-Awareness"
I thought I lacked persistence, but in reality, I lacked self-understanding.
Whenever I tried to calm down and think, to have a dialogue with myself, various resistant voices would pop up in my mind: "Isn't this useless? A waste of time," or "It doesn't matter if I do it later." Emotions and distractions always pulled me away at the most critical moments.
Once distracted, I would fall into a cycle of self-blame: "Why am I so bad?" "I already thought of a solution and still failed." Then I would have to spend a few days regrouping, going through the cycle repeatedly.
When I finally had direction, the thoughts that surfaced were to enjoy first and do it later, thinking it didn't matter since I had already come up with a solution.
What followed was probably, "Huh? How did another day disappear? How terrible, I'm so bad, let me comfort myself," and the moment of failure would occur, leading me to spend a few more days trying to pick myself up, continuously falling into this cycle.
- Self-Exploration: The Subconscious and Childhood Trauma
Like investing and trading, as long as you don't fall, don't give up, there will always be hope!
I began to study the brain, psychology, and the nervous system, discovering a shocking fact:
I didn't really know myself.
My current goals, habits, and behavioral patterns are likely extensions of childhood trauma. Those early scars quietly hide in my subconscious, dominating every decision in my life.
In the past, I could achieve financial freedom through willpower because I completely ignored emotional and bodily responses. But these responses are actually important signals, telling me what is happening inside and reminding me of unmet needs.
- The Activation of the Positive Flywheel: Meditation and Awareness
When I began to face these signals and listen to my inner voice, the original "internal friction" gradually decreased, and my inner self began to become organized, initiating a positive cycle.
Meditation and awareness were the keys to activating my positive flywheel.
No longer pushing through, no longer suppressing, but understanding, accepting, and adjusting—this is the fundamental way to break out of the predicament.
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